Episode 8: Queen in the Making

Birth Mystics
Birth Mystics
Episode 8: Queen in the Making

Stephanie’s original poem takes an intimate look at the role partner’s can play in the birth experience–and it’s not what you think it is. How can partners best support the birthing person without overpowering, overprotecting, naysaying, or neglecting? And furthermore, what is their unique transformational potential?

Even more important than the amount of time you spend as a birthing person researching your options, you are the one carrying the baby and delivering the baby which means you should always have the bigger say. This is about bodily autonomy, personal comfort, and birthing rights. Too often birthers are stepping into “caretaker mode” and putting their partner’s comfort before their own. And this is just one more profound way that birth teaches us how to step into our power.

It doesn’t mean that birthers should railroad their partners and not consider their input or opinions. Please, start a dialogue with your partner. Share with them the same resources, podcasts, books, and information that has informed your own opinion. Is your partner willing to dig into that content? If not, you can give an ultimatum–either do the work, like me, or your opinion doesn’t hold weight. That’s fair.

What is the transformational potential of the partner? Life has taught you, partners, to show your strength through muscle and brawn, to show your masculinity through saving and protecting. In birth, it’s been modeled for you to lead with your fear and doubt in the name of protecting. But your potential is learning how to show up without having to save. You can show strength through your spiritual presence and emotional availability. You can be there as a space holder rather than a knight in shining armor. You can help the birther by trusting their judgement and their unique, messy process of giving birth.

Stephanie speaks to the novel Damsel, by Elaina K. Arnold. It’s about a knight on a quest to slay a dragon. He succeeds, and on the other side of the wall he rescues the damsel in distress. According to custom of their kingdom you could not become a king until you slayed a dragon and rescued a princess. They arrive back at the kingdom, and over time you begin to learn that the damsel is not exactly who you think she is. The custom says that if the knight doesn’t marry the princess before a certain amount of time then the princess–who turns out to be the dragon–will revert back to her wild self. It has powerful themes of masculine and feminine roles, and the culturally accepted taming of women.

Birth is a perfect and ripe opportunity to forever change the dynamic that may or may not exist in your partnership. And to those of you listening that do not have a partner in your life or in your birth space–you can and will go on to have a phenomenal transformational journey because you are the hero of your story.

If you’d like to learn more please visit www.bhavabirth.com

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